So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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