garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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