I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
