if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
