you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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