I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
