I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
