very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I could make wine with my vomit
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
