You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
