Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
