Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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