Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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