The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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