I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
