ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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