Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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