I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize