Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
