You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I want to fling myself into the sun
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
