Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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