Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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