So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
