my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
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