new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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