talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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