Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
