I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
