Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
