Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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