U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
