So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
