I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
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I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
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Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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