I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
