she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
