i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize