we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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