I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
