i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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