Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
