My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
