I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
