tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think i got beer on your cat.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
