i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We left the knife in your bed.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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