its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
