Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
