Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have demons in me.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
