Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
