new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
