my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize