You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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