So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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