For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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