im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
