I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
don't judge my taste in strippers
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
