She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
