I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
this boner is exhausting
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
