seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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