my phone needs a breathalizer
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
