I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
