Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
