kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He? As in you personified your dick?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm really busy with my period
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