brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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